Going CrazySun, Nov 30th 2003
Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm 18 years old, and I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I have terrible mood swings; one minute I'm laughing and socializing and then next I want to curl up in a ball and hide forever. I continously have horrible thoughts about someone breaking in or someone I know having an accident. It consumes me, sometimes to the point of panic attacks. The thing that bothers me most is difficult to explain. It started in dreams, but now happens mostly when I listen to music. I can be sitting somewhere listening to a song or watching tv and everything is fine but within a matter of a few minutes I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Everything starts racing, like the whole world is in fast forward and I'm still in normal time. It feels like there are so many voices, from the tv, from the radio, from my head...so many that are yelling at me like I've done something wrong. I don't know how to make it stop when it happens, and it is one of the most frightening things I have ever experienced. When I was 16 years old I went to a psychologist, but my mom just stopped taking me. Now she jokes around about me killing myself and acts like everything I feel is just a joke. I desperately need, and want, help but I don't know what to do.
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