Three Million People In One SkinWed, Apr 30th 2003
I don't know what is going on. I feel like three million people in one skin. I HATE myself as if i were someone else looking at me and felt that i should be killed slowly and watched as i suffered. I believe I'm a ghost that came in this body or that I'm really in a coma and this whole "real world" is a dream like in vanilla sky (movie), i then feel the pain and the bad and sad things which happen because my mind is asleep but awake for so long that it turns against me and bad thoughts occur. My moods are switching so fast that I'm pissed of the to point of hurting some thing someone,myself then I'm okay and I'm someone else not me. I get high "naturally" where i feel so light headed and good that I'm almost floating. My head wont stop thinking, i stayed up yesterday for almost two days but i had energy "yeah i napped" but felt as if i couldn't sleep. I cant stop thinking, too many thoughts at once and i can never stay on the subject of what i am thinking. When i talk i talk,and talk and talk and then i get a natural high from thinking and talking so much i cant realize what I'm saying. My mind is so chaotic, And i live in another world. I see things which appear from no where and this feels so real, i see people that are apart of this world but slowly disappear but this world is where i belong and i believe that if i did kill myself maybe i would wake up and i would be in that world. Like flashes almost..I don't feel like i belong on this earth I'm a ghost, i don't belong to my family and I'm not real. I am extremely artistic but i cant do anything anymore, I'm extremely jealous,angry,and envious to the point were i fantasize about cutting my face apart. I feel like there are people inside me running up my arms..what the hell is wrong with me? This is just the small part of my problems...
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