Abuse

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Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

about my childhood and why I am like this, but what can I do to change

I am having a hard time and don\'t know what to do, or who I am. I am recently going through a divorce. There are many reasons behind, but we both have issue that need to be delt with. I have a problem of not being able to fully trust and confide in a person and have a problem about talking and showing emotion. I have blocked out my childhood memories from my mind. I have no desire to remember them. My childhood was a very rough childhood. My life was almost taken twice when I was young. Once when I was born and another when I was in 8th grade. I had a very serious illness that could have killed me and left me blind. But it didn\'t thank goodness. The doctors even told my parents I was going to die. Also growing up I never really had any friends. Ever since I could remember I was made fun of. I was called a girl and stupid and other nasty names. People I thought were freinds to me weren\'t. I mean in yearbooks and stuff they would write the nastiest things in there about me. All of my yearbooks growing up are basically blacked out with permanite marker. Because of the comments that were made. So I never was able to confide in anyone. My family life was one that we didn\'t talk about things or show emotion to people. It wasn\'t until probably my 11th grade year in high school that I actually made friends and they respected me for who I was and what I liked. That is also when I was moved to another state. Now I have a hard time talking to people about things and letting people in my life. Which is not a good thing when it comes to relationships. What steps should I take to try and change. What do I need to do to myself to try and talk to people about things in general and be able to open up and be in a healthy relationship. How do I break down all the walls that I have built up to protect myself. What are your suggestions?

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