Abuse
Resources
Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers
BipolarShould I Put up With Abuse And Morbid Jealousy?I Can't control my Mind Anymore, do I Need to Leave?Multiple Sex Abuse as a ChildSexual Abuse, What Should I do Now?Abusive Adult ChildStep-Daughter is Deliberately AbusiveSelf Hate Why Do I like Being Abused?How To Get Over It?Does My Boyfriend Have a Personality Disorder?Do I Suffer From Depression?I Am Wondering What Could be Wrong With Me?Personality Disorder Symptoms??Past Following me For the WorseDelusional JealousyAlcohol and ChangeSecond MarriageHow Can I Move Past This- A Question for StaffThe Marriage Corner: How Can I Move Past This?I am Only 26 Years OldI Feel Like a Complete Waste of a Human LifeBipolar Disorder and False and Displaced Memories?Is There Any Hope For Me, or am I Destined to be Damaged?Extreme BehaviorHow to Convince my Wife to Seek HelpI Just Feel So Depressed Should I Fight For My Marriage?Insecure DangerHe Says I'm Ignorant , Being a MoronPOCDParent Abuse and My Resulting Disorders?Will my Boyfriend Eventually Hit me?Is He a Narcissist?Can This Ever Change??Need AdviceDaughter In Abusive MarriageI Think My Husband Hates MeHelp!!!Will He Hit Me Eventually? My Fiance May Have a Sexual, Nude Photo AddictionIs This Abuse and What Should I Do?Please Help Me!How To Help My SonWorthlessI Want To Die!I Was Living Two Lives. Controlling Husband Who Cheated Several TimesDo I Have Bipolar Disorder?Afraid of Breaking Family ApartIs Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Curable? Delusional and Morbid Jealousy?I Don't Know Anymore. Please Help.Insane JealousyAm I In Danger?Sexual Abuse and Its Effects on Relationships AfterwardsSociopath or Sociopath-like Product of My Environment?Is She Mentally Ill?Narcissistic StepfatherWill the abuse still continue?AngerSexual issues with husbandHelpShould I Switch Therapists? Sara, Nov. 4, 2008Did I push them too much?Violent/murderous sexual fantasiesIs it my fault that I was sexually abused? Did it make me gay?I am really worried about my mental health (19yr old female)Is It Abuse? - Erin - Jun 24th, 2008My boss asked me about my sex life and im only 16.. please read!Abusive Relationshipabuse survivorI believe my husband sexually abused my daughter and is at risk for doing the same to my grandchildren. What should I do now?Why do I beat myself up over what they think?Is it my fault if my family falls apart after he cheats?Living with boyfriend - Am I dealing with one person or two?This guy I bullyCan he be changed?Münchhausen Disorder 'biproxy' (by Proxy)I get paralysed and cant do anythingHow do I keep my conduct disordered step-son from molesting my children?Rape victim who cuts and engages in BDSM to self-punish asks, 'Why am I like this?'cycle of abuse, but no apologiesFeel like I'm trappedFather is abusing and controlling my motherHow can I change my life?how to overcome sexual abuseviolent brotherSelf esteemHow to help a loved one who sees no problemHealthy sexuality not instinctual for me after abusive situationsi don't know if this is abuseafter verbal abuse19 year old daughter in abusive relationshipForgotten or just ignored?Domestic ViolenceIs this Schizophrenia?How to Deal with the Loss of Familyabout my childhood and why I am like this, but what can I do to changeDid I Love my husband and still abuse him emotionallyWhat is wrong with me?What Would This Be?A Request for HelpAdult ChildrenIs there a difference between abuse and trauma?Regret my decision every single dayHe has hit me on a few occasions ...Need to find a reason for the abuseI'm a cutter and can't remember anythingHow Does Childhood Abuse Influence Adulthood?Abusive Older SisterAbusive MotherKilling Myself In His KitchenFear Of Remembering ThingsViolent SisterAbuse Warning SignsBest Way To Deal With Verbal AbuseMy RoommateA Mean, Verbally Abusive WomanConfused While Leaving An Abusive RelationshipPossibly Molested DaughterStill SufferingAbusive FatherWhat Abuse Looks Like #2Are Battered Women Mentally Ill?Recognizing Verbal AbuseDissociates When IntimateAre Bipolars Abusive?Daughter's Violent MarriageDefinition Of Being BeatenThe Aftermath of AbuseThe Goal of TherapyHaunted College StudentToxic ParentsAbused WifeAbuse and TraumaNo Desire For Sex 1Mental AbuseLow Self-EsteemIntimacy IssuesAbusive GirlfriendEmotionally Abusive Marriage: What To Do?False PromisesAn Angry HusbandCarol-Ann writes:Laura writes:
LinksBook Reviews
Related Topics

Depression: Major Depression & Unipolar Varieties
Domestic Violence and Rape
Self Esteem
Anger Management

Ask Dr. DombeckAsk Dr. Dombeck:
Psychotherapy and Mental Health Questions

Rape victim who cuts and engages in BDSM to self-punish asks, 'Why am I like this?'

Thu, Dec 20th 2007

I was "r", the r word when I was a teenager. I was about 18 and wasn't a virgin but had only been with one guy who broke my virginity and we were still together at the time. The "r" word happened to me when I was working for a manager who was the friend of the family and who got me hired there.

I grew up with very strict parents. When I told my mom I had sex for the first time, she told my dad and he started quoting bible versus to me. My mom knew I had sex from the way I was acting because the guy said he was going to break up with me. Anyway, I didn't have a lot of friends, was shy and reserved, and very green to the real world. My mother kept us inside a lot

After what happened with the "r", I started cutting myself. It's weird because I didn't have anyone saying cut yourself you'll feel better but when I did I felt a whole lot better, I just didn't want to be in that kind of pain anymore. As the years went by I found myself being really promiscuous. I didn't care who I had sex with or why. Sex was something I needed to be punished for because I needed to feel that pain. It was getting out of control.

Then came Hurricane Katrina. I lost everything but my life and my son's life and had to relocate to a place I didn't like. We stayed with an uncle for a little while but moved into another place. This uncle was there to help us and show us the ropes on what needed to be done but when I needed rides he asked for sexual favors. I told him I felt uncomfortable. He finally helped me with getting a job at the company where his wife worked. He was my family's only means of transportation so he volunteered to take me to work. On the way to work he would stop at his house and come on to me and touch me. I told him he was an uncle and I didn't & couldn't look at him like that. He "r" me anyway. After that "r", I started cutting myself like crazy.

Then I was introduced into the world of BDSM. This way I can have pain, be punished for what I deserved and didn't have to do it myself. I meet people randomly from the internet who are also into this lifestyle. I'm am always the submissive. I want to beat up and humiliated since this is all i know with men. I cry about it afterwards but I deserve to be punished for being so stupid. Sex is not love. Sex is a means of hurting a person. Why am I like this? Should I go back to cutting myself so I won't eventually meet up with the person who will go too far and kill me. Could you please give some kind of answer? Do I have some kind of personality disorder? I get scared when I'm around a lot of people or people in general because I know they are going to know something is wrong with me. I've been diagnosed with major depression, generalized anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder. At one time I was diagnosed with some kind of personality disorder but I don't know which one. All of the records at my psychiatrist were destroyed because of the storm and I can't even find her anyway. Could you please give some kind answer as to what is wrong with me? I don't even like sex anymore yet I use it as a tool to get beat up and humiliated.

THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.

Disclaimer

  • Dr. Dombeck responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Dombeck intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Dombeck to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Dombeck, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Dombeck and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.