|Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers|BipolarShould I Put up With Abuse And Morbid Jealousy?I Can't control my Mind Anymore, do I Need to Leave?Multiple Sex Abuse as a ChildSexual Abuse, What Should I do Now?Abusive Adult ChildStep-Daughter is Deliberately AbusiveSelf Hate Why Do I like Being Abused?How To Get Over It?Does My Boyfriend Have a Personality Disorder?Do I Suffer From Depression?I Am Wondering What Could be Wrong With Me?Personality Disorder Symptoms??Past Following me For the WorseDelusional JealousyAlcohol and ChangeSecond MarriageHow Can I Move Past This- A Question for StaffThe Marriage Corner: How Can I Move Past This?I am Only 26 Years OldI Feel Like a Complete Waste of a Human LifeBipolar Disorder and False and Displaced Memories?Is There Any Hope For Me, or am I Destined to be Damaged?Extreme BehaviorHow to Convince my Wife to Seek HelpI Just Feel So Depressed Should I Fight For My Marriage?Insecure DangerHe Says I'm Ignorant , Being a MoronPOCDParent Abuse and My Resulting Disorders?Will my Boyfriend Eventually Hit me?Is He a Narcissist?Can This Ever Change??Need AdviceDaughter In Abusive MarriageI Think My Husband Hates MeHelp!!!Will He Hit Me Eventually? My Fiance May Have a Sexual, Nude Photo AddictionIs This Abuse and What Should I Do?Please Help Me!How To Help My SonWorthlessI Want To Die!I Was Living Two Lives. Controlling Husband Who Cheated Several TimesDo I Have Bipolar Disorder?Afraid of Breaking Family ApartIs Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Curable? Delusional and Morbid Jealousy?I Don't Know Anymore. Please Help.Insane JealousyAm I In Danger?Sexual Abuse and Its Effects on Relationships AfterwardsSociopath or Sociopath-like Product of My Environment?Is She Mentally Ill?Narcissistic StepfatherWill the abuse still continue?AngerSexual issues with husbandHelpShould I Switch Therapists? Sara, Nov. 4, 2008Did I push them too much?Violent/murderous sexual fantasiesIs it my fault that I was sexually abused? Did it make me gay?I am really worried about my mental health (19yr old female)Is It Abuse? - Erin - Jun 24th, 2008My boss asked me about my sex life and im only 16.. please read!Abusive Relationshipabuse survivorI believe my husband sexually abused my daughter and is at risk for doing the same to my grandchildren. What should I do now?Why do I beat myself up over what they think?Is it my fault if my family falls apart after he cheats?Living with boyfriend - Am I dealing with one person or two?This guy I bullyCan he be changed?Münchhausen Disorder 'biproxy' (by Proxy)I get paralysed and cant do anythingHow do I keep my conduct disordered step-son from molesting my children?Rape victim who cuts and engages in BDSM to self-punish asks, 'Why am I like this?'cycle of abuse, but no apologiesFeel like I'm trappedFather is abusing and controlling my motherHow can I change my life?how to overcome sexual abuseviolent brotherSelf esteemHow to help a loved one who sees no problemHealthy sexuality not instinctual for me after abusive situationsi don't know if this is abuseafter verbal abuse19 year old daughter in abusive relationshipForgotten or just ignored?Domestic ViolenceIs this Schizophrenia?How to Deal with the Loss of Familyabout my childhood and why I am like this, but what can I do to changeDid I Love my husband and still abuse him emotionallyWhat is wrong with me?What Would This Be?A Request for HelpAdult ChildrenIs there a difference between abuse and trauma?Regret my decision every single dayHe has hit me on a few occasions ...Need to find a reason for the abuseI'm a cutter and can't remember anythingHow Does Childhood Abuse Influence Adulthood?Abusive Older SisterAbusive MotherKilling Myself In His KitchenFear Of Remembering ThingsViolent SisterAbuse Warning SignsBest Way To Deal With Verbal AbuseMy RoommateA Mean, Verbally Abusive WomanConfused While Leaving An Abusive RelationshipPossibly Molested DaughterStill SufferingAbusive FatherWhat Abuse Looks Like #2Are Battered Women Mentally Ill?Recognizing Verbal AbuseDissociates When IntimateAre Bipolars Abusive?Daughter's Violent MarriageDefinition Of Being BeatenThe Aftermath of AbuseThe Goal of TherapyHaunted College StudentToxic ParentsAbused WifeAbuse and TraumaNo Desire For Sex 1Mental AbuseLow Self-EsteemIntimacy IssuesAbusive GirlfriendEmotionally Abusive Marriage: What To Do?False PromisesAn Angry HusbandCarol-Ann writes:Laura writes:LinksBook Reviews
abuse survivorWed, Jun 11th 2008
A man I'd been dating for 9 months went into a "rage" at 3 months when he thought I was going to leave him. (Significant property damage and physical damage to me). After a separation from him we continued the relationship. The plan was to move to another state after we both sold our homes which would have pulled him away from his family and friends...but a change he vowed he wanted....although strongly resisting the places that I wanted to move to. 3 months ago we got into an argument. (He was trying to tell me how to run my new business I was planning in the new state). He hit me in the head with a plastic bottle (which he initially denied)...I backhanded him in the chest and reprimanded him. (he remembered that). I wasn't going to let him continue hitting no matter if it caused injury or not. He feared I might call the police but I did not. I just wanted him to stop. I slept in the other room. I came home the next day after work and the sheriffs dept. knocked on his door and served me with an order of protection. He told them I was hitting him and moved in without his knowledge. I got kicked out of his house and he has made no attempts to contact me. I was homeless. I'd moved in with him two weeks ago because my house was on the market in another state for sale. I had to quit my new job. The grief has been paralyzing. I loved him with all my heart. I knew he was jealous and rigid in attitude most of the time....I spent alot of effort reassuring him. I guess I thought that past relationships made him that way and that he deserved reassurance. How can I not feel rejected? We belonged to a tightly knit group and he told them all I was crazy and to not answer my calls. Noone ever did. He's now with someone else...one month later...happy and idealizing her now. I know you can't diagnose someone without a professional...but I believe he has borderline personality disorder. He'd panic at the idea of me leaving...he fits the love/hate model towards people, he often has symptoms of outright paranoia....thinking someone is sabotaging him in some way. It's even harder because I know that if he does have BPD, he really does hate me, and I am nothing to him now. It's like I never existed to him. I have sought out spiritual counseling, crisis counseling, friends, journaling, writing the good bye letter you never send....but the pain is still there. Do you know what it's like to really love someone and then they just vaporize? And you know that if you call them they will see you as an enemy and show no remorse and no sympathy...but only blame....and who knows...probably a harassment report? I am moving out of state on my own next week....continuing with the plan I had before I ever met him....changed my phone number because I know that he will never be able to comfort me. It is the hardest thing to walk away with so much unsaid, and also so misunderstood by what I thought were my friends.....but I have a fear that he will make my life chaos if I make any attempts to contact him. I didn't deserve such mistreatment and rejection. It kills me that his life has not seemed to skip a beat. The grief is getting better...but..somedays its worse than ever. I just wish he would have said good bye to me, or at least called to see if I was safe. I refuse to blame it all on a psychological disorder. I do take it personally and I am pissed off that I have no recourse in which to comfort myself with him. I haven't once called him and he has not called me. I WILL NOT be treated as the annoying ex. He is the one that has destroyed us. I am alone to work out my grief with no help from that asshole. As my date to leave the state approaches (next week), my grief is getting worse. I know there will be no chance to ever see him, and since I changed my number he will never call me. I hope I am doing the right thing cause I know what a good person I was to him, and I did not deserve this punitive treatment. My only comfort, and I know this is a mean thing to say, is that because he refuses to take responsibility for his problems, he will only repeat the cycle with someone else. In other words, I only hope is life is not idyllic and perfect. I think that I can find someone who can love me unconditionally. My question: Can you offer any comfort to people who are suddenly dropped from the other person's life....when they know that contacting the person would only increase their emotional distress? How do you get rid of anger if you can't talk to the person? (Hitting objects, writing letters, screaming....vengeful thoughts....tried em' all....still angry....)
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.