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Relationship Questions

Best Way To Deal With Verbal Abuse

Tue, May 31st 2005

I am a 30 year old married woman with two children. Outwardly I do not have much reason to be unhappy but I do feel depressed, anxious and annoyed most of the times. I feel I cannot give my children a healthy atmosphere like this and that is why I am sharing this with you. My husband is otherwise a nice person but he is rude almost all the time. When he is good to me its like everything is really good but the problem is that he keeps verbally abusing all the time. He constantly tells me I am worthless, good for nothing, calls me names without any reason. He can start just about anytime without even the slightest provocation. He even tries to belittle me in front of the children. He says I have a large ego and that is what keeps him at constantly trying to instill some sense and make me more humble. I have been brought up in a very healthy manner feeling proud of the fact that I am a girl. Though my husband went to a better college and is much better settled professionally, I have also done my masters in engineering and am a hard and sincere worker. He keeps telling me that I am stupid and know nothing. He says I should do everything as he tells me and when I say I have my own mind he says I create problems in everything. He will be extremely rude the whole day and then in the evening he'll act as if nothing has happened. By that time I am disturbed enough and am not feeling quite alright and then he says now what and calls me mentally unstable. I simply don't know what to do. Its been almost 10 years since we married. He has driven me almost to madness with his behavior. He says the choicest of rude things and when he is in a better mood he apologizes. Yes he would have apologized and said sorry at least a thousand times until now. But I know everything he says and does is totally meaningless. I do not think I can describe everything here and its difficult to understand my situation from this. I would just like to to tell you that I have tried to just ignore everything and get on with trying to have a normal life...always forgiving and forgetting...bearing with him ...going along with however he wants things to be .. laughing when he allows me too and crying when he chooses to pour out all his negativity onto me. But then he feels he can get away with just about any kind of behavior. When I try to confront him and show my anger and tell him that I won't take this then also things just carry on and on. I just want to ask you whats the best way to deal with verbal abuse? How do you instill the slightest amount of respect in men who feel respecting or trying to understand and care about a woman is unmanly?

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