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Ask Dr. SchwartzAsk Dr. Schwartz:
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Insane Jealousy

Thu, Nov 19th 2009

Dear Dr Schwartz

My partner of the last 18 months is displaying thoughts and behaviors that are scaring me and causing a lot of emotional stress. He is what I call "insanely" jealous.  I dont know what else to call it. He wakes up in the morning after we slept in the same bed the whole night, go and inspect the house and be convinced that I entertained another man during the night in our house!! He follows me to work, not believing I go to work  I have a high profile management position at a large company.  He even drives me 100 km when I have to travel for meetings, and pitch up at the venue to check on me. When I go to the bathroom at work and miss a call from him he suspects the worste. I cannot be one minute late coming home because then there is trouble.

When we are in public and men just look at me, he suspects me of having affairs with them. I cannot go out with friends, have my nails done or go out shopping anymore. When I get sms's from my bank on transactions, he freaks out and thinks its my "other boyfriends." If I don't eat well, or if I eat too much, or can't sleep, or sleep to much,  to him it all they are all signs of other men. The fact that I dress with care for work in order to look professional and well groomed, he takes to mean that I dress to attract other men and accuses me of dressing for them.

I am at a total loss. I have tried everything and  am totally forthcoming and transparent about everything. I spend all my free time when with him. I''ve talked and pleaded with him. I check in with him regularly and on my own initiative in order to update him on where I am and what I am doing. I give him loads of affection and attention. Everything I do he just interprets as cheating. Unfortunately, he then starts to drink to cope with the feelings, and then things get ugly and abusive. I cannot express to you the hurt, anguish, stress and total helplessness that I am going through. I'm a nervous wreck.

Please advise!!

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